Trump Offers Denmark ‘Three Sheep and a Brick’ for Greenland, Cites Urgent Need for Ore Hexes

Jan 18, 2026

MAR-A-Lago, FL — President Donald Trump stood before a giant, hexagonal map of the North Atlantic today to announce a “massive, beautiful, and highly strategic” offer to purchase the island of Greenland from Denmark. Citing a desperate need for more “ore hexes” to complete a massive city-building project, Trump revealed he has formally offered the Danish government three sheep and a single brick. “It’s a tremendous deal, maybe the best trade deal in the history of trades,” Trump told a crowd of cheering supporters. “Denmark is sitting on all this ore, and they aren’t even using it. They’re just sitting there. I have the sheep—very fluffy, very high-quality sheep, the likes of which nobody has ever seen—and I have a brick. I’m giving them a brick! You can’t build a road without a brick, and frankly, their economy is a disaster.”

The President also issued a stern warning to the Danish Prime Minister, threatening to tariff their 2-to-1 port if the trade isn’t accepted by the end of the week. “They think they can just hoard the ore while I’m trying to build the biggest, most beautiful city,” Trump shouted, gesturing toward a map that appeared to hint at a planned “Longest Road” stretching from Mar-a-Lago all the way to Nuuk.

“I also have the Largest Army, folks, it’s a beautiful thing. Most people, they get a Knight card and they’re afraid to use it. They hide it. Not me. I played three Knights in one turn—people said it couldn’t be done—and now I have the trophy.

The announcement has sent shockwaves across the northern border, with Canadian officials reportedly “shaking” over their own vast hexes of wheat. “We’ve seen what he does when he wants a resource,” said one anonymous Canadian minister while clutching a useless University Victory Point card. “He’s already eyeing our wheat hexes to build that city. If he builds that settlement near the border, we’re finished.”