Trump Offers Denmark ‘Three Sheep and a Brick’ for Greenland, Cites Urgent Need for Ore Hexes

MAR-A-Lago, FL — President Donald Trump stood before a giant, hexagonal map of the North Atlantic today to announce a "massive, beautiful, and highly strategic" offer to purchase the island of Greenland from Denmark. Citing a desperate need for more "ore hexes" to complete a massive city-building project, Trump revealed he has formally offered the Danish government three sheep and a single brick. "It’s a tremendous deal, maybe the best trade deal in the history of trades," Trump told a crowd of cheering supporters. "Denmark is sitting on all this ore, and they aren’t even using it. They’re just sitting there. I have the sheep—very fluffy, very high-quality sheep, the likes of which nobody has ever seen—and I have a brick. I’m giving them a brick\! You can’t build a road without a brick, and frankly, their economy is a disaster."

Mark Carney Joins COBRA After Trade Failure With G.I. Joe

BEIJING — In a move global analysts are calling "the most predictable career pivot for a former central banker," Mark Carney has officially donned a polished silver mask and joined the high command of COBRA.

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